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Preparation for a long drive

Posted by Ben on September 06, 2007 at 10:35 p.m. in Transportation

So, I know that zeppelins were briefly mentioned in an earlier post, and that got me thinking: what the hell am I going to do on my forthcoming 15-hour drive to Portland? I currently live and work in Los Angeles, or at least I will until next Tuesday, when I make my glorious return to our Rose City. It has been a long time coming and, considering the epic car ride I face, there are a few obstacles left to hurdle.

Unlike our cushy zeppelin, I won't be able to indulge myself in the lap of luxury while I cruise along the I-5 through the middle of California and Oregon. Even worse, I'll be subjected to the harsh manures of California's central valley and its ever-widening herds of cattle. Although they do make for good steaks at Harris Ranch, I'm more vegetarian than not, and they stink to high hell. I certainly won't be sipping a highball while some well-coiffed pilot churns my beautiful flying dirigible gently through the sky. Hell, I'll be lucky to be sipping on a Snapple while I vainly try to recirculate the stale air through my Hyundai.

So, that leads us to the inevitable: how the hell will I survive! I've made the journey before, but that was on a day with two, count-em TWO BCS bowl games (with one being an absolute epic back-and-forth struggle), stopping only to pee and get gas. Now that I'm not in college anymore, I worry for my stamina. So, here are our options to keep me alive:

* Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods audio book, burned into my IPOD.

Okay, that's all I have. I do have some short stories-on-tape and a lot of Bruce Springsteen, but that can only get you so far. Maybe if I play "Born to Run" a few dozen times, I'll either think of something to occupy myself or get bored and listen to country radio. Oh, and that reminds me: you hear the strangest radio out in central California. You get a raw mix of old-oldies (1940s) with ultra-conservative talk radio that makes you want to bore holes in your eardrums so the lies don't ring home.

So, please do help. I appreciate any and all suggestions to make my end-run to Portland as wonderful as possible. Maybe I should just pin a picture of our Mayor on my steering wheel and think "there's no place like home, there's no place like home"...


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  • I can only hope that that beard signifies that Potter is not running. It is a very retirementy beard, don't you think? Kind of an old Hemingway sort of thing? Ooo! We should pitch in and get him a birthday present! I think an entry to this competition might be in order.

    Posted by Michael on September 07, 2007 at 9:13 a.m.
    • Here's a fine picture of my beloved author, in the height of hirsute glory. And if that doesn't do it for you, there's always this. A lion in winter indeed!

      As for our Mayor's beard, it has a come-by-the-fire-and-I'll-tell-you-a-story-of-better-days feel to it, doesn't it? I don't get a mountain man vibe as much as a warm and fuzzy, grandfatherly notion. Indeed it may signal that it's time for our Mayor to gracefully retire.

      And, as for presents, I still say a ride on our zeppelin would do. Can't you see the mayor wearing something like this and being extremely dapper in our flying palace?

      Posted by Ben on September 07, 2007 at 9:01 a.m.
      • You're right; Potter with that hat on a zeppelin would be totally awesome.

        Actually, Potter with that hat in general is a great image.

        Posted by Michael on September 07, 2007 at 11:00 a.m.
        • The only problem with that image is it's a little loaded- the captain that wore that hat had this happen to him. Not a good day for that hat, indeed!

          Posted by Ben on September 07, 2007 at 11:06 a.m.
      • Oh oh oh, maybe he's growing it out for Christmas so he can be Portland's Santa!

        Posted by Michael on September 07, 2007 at 2:28 p.m.
        • That might be right, and he might also be growing it out sooner so Christmas can come early this year for Commissioner Adams and a few lucky Council hopefuls who are counting on his retirement.

          Posted by Ben on September 07, 2007 at 2:32 p.m.

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